Some of you reading this might not believe this right now and may just chalk my words up to the sad element of the country music I’m listening to as I write this (yes, I’m listening to classic country at 2:30am). The truth is that this is a topic I’ve been thinking about for a few months… besides, I’m constantly listening to country music so I’m somewhat immune to the sadness in country songs 😊
So, about these “Quarantine Convo’s”… I hate to say this but more often than not these conversations are distractions and not real relationships. I’ve seen people fall in love with their neighbours or with online matches. But few people stop and think “Would I feel this way about this person if life was ‘normal’?” The answer in these cases is more than likely a hard pass.
With quarantine and lockdowns due to COVID-19 people are being forced out of their normal lifestyles. For some people that means that they are ending long-term relationships. For other people that means starting relationships they would normally never consider.
I think it’s important to remember that these “relationships” are likely not going to last once people’s lives are back to normal. With Coronavirus putting us in these situations that are abnormal to humans, people are reaching for whatever human interactions they can find. IMO, that means that people are reaching out to people who they would normally not be interested in.
I’m not judging or looking down on anyone- we all have the right to live our lives as we please. But I think it’s important to realize that these “quarantine conversations” are just a distraction. Under normal circumstances this would be considered a distraction from the boredom between relationships. People need a distraction from feeling imprisoned in their homes so they are reaching out to neighbours or online relationships. It’s important to stop and think about whether one would have been interested in this “relationship” under normal circumstances.
It seems that more often than not one (or both) party is in this “relationship” simply to fulfill the normal human desire for contact with other humans. Normally this would be considered having a distraction from mundane day-to-day life but considering how online dating and relationships have proliferated during quarantine/lockdown/social distancing it seems that people are looking for extreme distractions. That is, rather than just seeing these “relationships” as stopgaps they are seeing them as something more than that and ascribing meaning to them.
I guess what I’m saying is to just guard your heart and be smart. Don’t fall in love with someone you normally wouldn’t be interested in just because that person is convenient and pays attention to you. When things get back to normal will this person still invest their time and energy in you? Before starting a relationship ask yourself if you would be interested in this person if you weren’t locked in close proximity.
And for goodness sake, do not settle for less than your worth just because you’re lonely or bored. There will be a COVID-19 vaccine soon enough and things will be back to normal. If you’re not really in to the person you suddenly find yourself attracted to, rather than investing your time and energy in to that person spend that time investing in yourself. Read books that expand your knowledge in to areas that you’re not familiar with. Learn about historical events. Explore other perspectives in to issues that you have already made up your mind on. Learn a new skill. Take up knitting or crocheting. (And don’t mock either of those- knitting is one of my favourite hobbies!) With winter rapidly approaching knitting blankets or mittens for homeless people would be a better investment of your time and energy than spending those resources in a man or woman who wouldn’t typically be your person of choice.
Yes- you are just human and have a need for human companionship and interactions. Use this time to connect with friends and family via video calls. Use it to invest in your community by helping the less fortunate, especially as winter approaches. Do things that are spiritually, mentally, and emotionally fulfilling. If you’re meant to be with a person, that person will still be around even after quarantine/lockdown is over.
There’s no rush to get in to a relationship and a pandemic is no reason to mess up your personal life. Don’t settle. Focus on things that improve YOU for your own sake- you’re the person you’ll be spending the rest of your life with! Check out musicians you’d normally never consider. Between books, podcasts, and calls with your friends and family there really is no time left over for either being someone else’s distraction or for using someone as your distraction. This is the time to be focussing on growing yourself and helping your community.
The world is on fire- don’t do anything that will add to the negativity in your personal life.
I mean this with your best interest at heart. Janice 🙂